Axel and the Dog
by Daughter-of-Light13
Summary: AU - Axel and Roxas's appartment is chaotic enough without Roxas deciding to adopt a dog! Let the madness ensue! Not AkuRoku, though you could take it that way if you wanted to, I guess. Sorry, not updated regularly.
1. Chapter 1

Chaos, chaos everywhere, from the floor that belongs to the aftermath of a tornado, to the desk whose surface looks more like a kitchen sink, cluttered with dirty dishes and soda cans. Sunlight flits through the window, landing on a sleeping boy with a mess of tangled blonde hair. He's kicked off his blankets in his fitful sleep, and now they add to the ever-present chaos of the room. Neither the sunlight nor the ruckus of his alarm clock can awaken him. With his eyes squeezed shut he reaches out and smacks the top of the clock, silencing it, and then goes back to sleep.

Hours later, in the same chaotic room, the boy sits bolt upright in bed. His blue eyes are open wide, his blonde hair sticks up every which way, and his pajama shirt is on backwards. With amazing clarity, he speaks out into the chaos of the empty room,

"I need a puppy."

"Remind me again, what gave you the idea to go and get a dog?" Axel asks for the umpteenth time, his hands on his hips. Roxas is sitting Indian style on the carpeted living room floor, a little puppy in his lap. He is doing his best to corral the energetic dog, but is not very successful. Barely paying attention he replies,

"I had a dream that we both lost our weapons and were attacked by a million dusks and then a giant dog from heaven swooped down and ate the dusks and pooped out munny and I thought we should get a dog." He speaks calmly and evenly. "I checked with the landlord and he said a puppy was ok so long as it didn't destroy anything, so I went and got one." The puppy in question is a small little border collie puppy with a two-toned face, black body and white belly who is currently nibbling on Roxas's fingers in search of food. With a sigh, Axel looks at the ceiling as if it could give him patience and wisdom so that he won't decide to see if puppies are combustible.

"You thought to ask the landlord, but you didn't bother to ask me?" he grumbles after a minute, turning back to Roxas and the puppy, one eyebrow arched so high it is almost hidden in his hair. Roxas shrugs and does not look up.

"It was your idea," he says vaguely, tickling the little dog's white belly. Axel's eyebrow inches upward even more.

"It was?" he asks slowly, in a puzzled tone, trying to make eye contact with Roxas to see if he's joking.

"Yeah, in the dream it was your idea to take the giant dog home," Roxas explains, making a grab for the puppy as it escapes from his leg-barrier. Axel smacks his forehead, and then slowly drags his hand down his face. His forehead is red now, like his hair.

"Roxas," he says exasperatedly, one hand still covering half of his face, "that was a _dream_."

"So? You were in it, weren't you?" Roxas replies, fetching the puppy out from behind the couch. "Uh-oh," he remarks, head still behind the couch.

"You have got to be kidding me…" Axel growls under his breath. "What now?" he says more loudly.

"Daisy had an accident," Roxas replies, not moving behind the couch.

"It's not house broken?" Axel nearly yells, causing "Daisy" to wriggle out of Roxas's grasp and run behind the TV. None too gently, Axel fishes the dog out of the wires. "This thing is going back where you got it from right now, got it memorized?" Roxas has finally gotten out from behind the couch and he runs over, snatching the puppy from Axel's grip.

"No!" he says, holding the dog protectively. "Daisy's my dog and I'm keeping her!" Daisy yips in agreement, white-tipped stub of a tail wagging.

"Roxas…. 'Daisy' is a boy," Axel says slowly, simply amazed by his friend's stupidity. All of the expression drains out of Roxas's face as reality sets in. He carefully flips the puppy over.

"Oh."

"Take it back. Now," Axel orders.

"Whyyyy?" Roxas whines, struggling to hold on to the puppy, who is tired of being suspended in mid-air.

"One- You don't know how to take care of a dog. Two – I don't want a dog. And Three – This particular dog is not even house trained. We are not keeping this dog."

"I do too know how to take care of a dog!" Roxas retorts, stomping his foot and giving the puppy a startling shake. The puppy yelps and finally makes its escape from Roxas's grip, falling a short distance to the floor. As the puppy darts to the hallway Axel scoops it up again, shaking his head.

"If you don't take this dog back, I'm leaving it in a back alley to get eaten by rats," he says definitively. Roxas's mouth drops open in shock.

"But… but… it's just a puppy. You wouldn't do something like that to a poor little innocent puppy!"* Roxas replies, huge blue eyes widening in a pathetic sort of puppy-like expression. Axel rolls his eyes.

"Roxas, why the heck would I want a puppy around when I've got you to take care of?" he asks, exasperated.

Roxas frowns at this and says, "I can take care of myself, _and_ a dog!" Axel scoffs.

"You didn't even know it was boy."

"I forgot to check!"

"No, you're just a moron," Axel says, shoving the puppy into his best friend's arms. Roxas stares at him, holding the wriggling puppy. "If it's not gone by morning, it will have a very short life-span," Axel informs him. He stalks towards the kitchen, pulling open the fridge. "Roxas, why is there cat food in the refrigerator?"

"That's cat food?"

"No, puppy! Don't eat that!" Roxas yelps, scooping up the dog and wrestling a piece of moldy food from his mouth. He gags, stumbling to his garbage can and throwing the chunk of food on top. It bounces off, landing on the floor again. The puppy wriggles in Roxas's grasp, licking his face all over. "Ew! Puppy! That's so gross!" Roxas complains. Holding the dog at arm's length, he stumbles to the bathroom.

Grabbing a toothbrush and getting it wet, he struggles to hold the puppy still while he shoves the toothbrush into its mouth. "You need to clean your mouth out after eating that… thing!" he insists, pulling at the puppy's lips. With a growl, the dog bites his fingers, sharp little puppy teeth breaking the skin. "Ow!" Roxas says, dropping the toothbrush. There is a wet plopping noise. Roxas looks up from the puppy and his bleeding fingers.

He just dropped Axel's toothbrush in the toilet.

The puppy uses Roxas's distraction to escape and go leaping off the bathroom counter. Roxas dives, barely managing to catch the hyper dog. Tucking the squirming thing securely under one arm, he surveys the toothbrush in the toilet.

"Axel is so going to kill me." He leans over to flush the evidence and the puppy slides out from underneath his arm and lands in the now flushing toilet. A howl of pure terror splits the air. "AAAHHH!" Roxas yells in synch, diving after the dog in the toilet. The puppy flails, and is slippery when wet, making him very difficult to grab.

Axel hears the noise and storms into the bathroom. Water is everywhere, and in the middle of the mess stands Roxas, holding that cursed puppy. The soaked puppy has Axel's toothbrush in his mouth.

"ROXAS!" Axel thunders, diving for the boy and the dog. Nearly falling on his face, Roxas runs past him, puppy held tightly. He bursts out of the apartment into the hallway and keeps running. Axel slams through the door after him. "I'M GOING TO _KILL_ THAT STUPID DOG!" he growls, tearing after his terrified best friend.

Axel catches Roxas in the stairwell. "Give. Me. That. Thing," he spits, glaring menacingly. Roxas shakes his head firmly, cradling the still wet dog against his chest. Axel's glare tightens. "Roxas," he growls, sticking out a hand to receive the dog.

"You can't burn him if he's wet!" Roxas shouts, panicked.

"Give me the dog, Roxas," Axel repeats, getting more impatient by the second. Roxas tucks the puppy securely in one of his pants pockets and draws his Keyblades.

"No!"

Axel summons his chackrams in a whirl of fire. The battle begins. Axel is smart enough not to burn down the apartment building, but it limits what he can do. He doesn't stand a chance.

Axel is not quite sure how it happened, but he is pinned to the floor with Oblivion lightly scratching the skin around his collarbone. The stupid puppy is out of Roxas's pocket and licking his fingers.

"We're keeping the puppy," Roxas says firmly. Axel groans.

"I hate you," he remarks, staring at the ceiling. Roxas laughs.

"No you don't."

"Yes, yes I do, got it memorized?" Axel retorts, still staring at the ceiling. He is not shooing the dog away from his hand.

"Whatever," Roxas replies, putting the Keyblades away and scooping up the dog. "I'll buy you a new toothbrush," he adds, offering Axel a hand up. Axel looks at his best friend, then at the stupid dog, and smiles, letting Roxas pull him upright.

"And dog food and carpet cleaner," he informs Roxas.

"Oh yeah…" Roxas says, hanging his head, just remembering the mess behind the couch.

"Yep, you get to clean that up, and the bathroom," Axel informs him.

"Okay! Then you get to watch Checkers!" Roxas says, smiling and plopping "Checkers" into Axel's arms.

"Checkers?" Axel asks, staring incredulously at the puppy and then at Roxas. He gets his face licked for his remark.

"I think that should be his name," Roxas says, heading upstairs. Axel sighs, pushing the pup away from his face. He follows Roxas back to their apartment. They wince at the smell as they head inside.

"Hurry up, and don't forget to take the cat food back," Axel says, plugging his nose and retreating to his room, Checkers firmly in hand.

*This sentence was accidentally originally written as, "You would do something like that to a poor innocently little puppy!" XD

**A/N – Poor Axel! Ha ha!  
So, where did this mad little idea come from? Youtube videos - which are about as weird as Roxas's dreams. I was watching a spoofy KH video by a chick named AxelObcessed, and at one point it showed a bunch of emo pictures of Axel and then said, "Somebody get this man a puppy!" Well, after dying laughing I wonder exactly how that would go. And then Roxas popped up in my head begging for a puppy too, and this happened. I hope you enjoyed it! This is definitely not a one-shot, but I'm not going to be writing seriously on it either, since it's just for fun!**

**Edit: So, Fanfiction hates Microsoft Word formatting and messed a lot of things up. I think I fixed them, but I'm not really sure. So, sorry, I tried. **


	2. Chapter 2

A brown haired girl peers out the window at a boy walking past. "He's been wandering around the block for the last hour," she observes, brow furrowed.

"So?" A blonde haired boy says with a dismissive wave, his back to the window and the girl.

"Well, don't you think we should do something?" The girl asks; glaring at the boy's back.

"Yeah, he looks kind of lost," Another boy, stout with black hair, observes.

"Kind of? He looks totally out of it!" The blonde snaps, turning and gesturing out the window. The boy in the street is wandering around with his head down, face blank.

The girl stands up straight, clenching her fists. "Hayner!" she reprimands. The boy, Hayner, turns to her with a "what-did-I-do?" gesture.

"What? He does!"

"Be nice! He's probably just…" the girl, Olette, searches for an adjective, "new around here."

"I say we go help him out," the black haired boy remarks. He hasn't moved from watching the boy out the window.

"I'm with Pence," Olette agrees, crossing her arms. Hayner sighs.

"Ugh, you guys are such total saps. Fine! Let's go help out the space cadet."

* * *

"Where am I?" Roxas asks, wandering around the streets aimlessly. A car honks at him, and he jumps onto the sidewalk. The driver of the speeding car makes a gesture that makes it very clear she is unhappy with Roxas. He winces and rubs the back of his head sheepishly.

"Hey, are you ok?" Olette asks, jogging up. Roxas turns to face the three new faces.

"Uh, yeah, I think so," he says slowly, nodding once.

"You look a little lost," Pence observes, peering at Roxas like he has a second head. Roxas chuckles nervously and rubs the back of his head again.

"Um, yeah, the Traverse Town supermarket. Know where I can find it?" he asks. The three friends exchange glances.

Hayner hooks his thumb over his shoulder, gesturing at the huge building across and down the street. "It's right there," he informs Roxas. Roxas looks up and blinks. He looks back at the apartment complex a few houses behind where they're standing, and then back at the supermarket.

"Oh. Thanks," he says sheepishly, face a little red.

"You live in the apartment complex back there?" the Pence asks. Roxas nods.

"They why are you carrying around a bag of cat food? That place doesn't allow pets," Olette says. Roxas shrugs.

"What they don't know can't hurt them, right?" he remarks casually.

"Dude, have you read their sign?" Hayner asks, eyebrow shooting up his forehead.

Roxas draws out his next question. "There's a sign?" All three friends nod.

"Come with us," Olette orders, taking one of Roxas's arms. Pence takes the other.

"You've really gotta see this," he says. They drag Roxas forward to the apartment complex's doors and Hayner follows behind, arms crossed and rolling his eyes. They reach the front door, which is covered in a large, square white sign with red lettering. It reads:

The Apartment Complex That Never Was

Owned and Operated by Organization XIII Inc.

NO  
cats, dogs,  
horses, guinea pigs, mice,  
rats, hamsters, gerbils, ravens, possums, opossums,  
ferrets, chinchillas, pigs, mint chocolate chip ice creams, humans,  
owls, parrots, parakeets, dusks, saber-toothed lions, normal lions, tigers,  
bears, little girls who scream "Oh my!", solicitors, trick-or-treaters, pumpkin kings, visiting royalty of any sort, zebras, leopards, cheetahs, polar bears, monkeys, apes, dragons, unicorns, fauns, wolves, animals, children, or annoying people, etc., etc.

Any person that brings any such thing into this apartment complex will be banished and most likely eliminated. The animal and/or child in question will also be eliminated, by order of the Superior.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Roxas reads the sign with wide eyes. The others watch him with grim faces.

"Well, that's not really a problem," he says matter-of-factly twenty minutes later. Hayner, Pence, and Olette's eyebrows are all trying desperately to reach their hairlines.

"It's not…?" Pence asks, stumped. Roxas smiles and shakes his head.

"Nope! It doesn't mention puppies anywhere!" Hayner smacks his forehead.

He yells in Roxas's face. "You idiot! It says 'dog'. That's the same thing as a puppy! Don't you understand they're gonna kill your dog?" Roxas blinks at him.

"It doesn't say 'kill', it says 'eliminate', which I think means they'll take him to the pound or something. But they can't do that if they don't find him!" he says calmly, turning back to the sign. All the life drains out of Hayner's limbs. Roxas is totally beyond reality. Olette looks pensively between the two.

"Oh, I better go. I've gotta get stuff to clean up Checker's mess!" Roxas realizes, and starts running to the store. The three friends exchange bewildered glances.

"I don't even want to know," Hayner says, and leads them home.

* * *

"AXEL! I'm HOME!" Roxas howls as he shuts the apartment door behind him. His hands are full of plastic bags of groceries. He sets the bags down on the floor next to the door and digs out the aerosol can of air freshener. He shakes it and then spins around in circles in the center of the living room, holding down the button.

There is a crashing noise, and Roxas hears Axel yelling words that he specifically told Roxas not to use. Checkers comes running down the hallway, bounding towards Roxas, tail wagging. Behind him comes a very frazzled Axel, still yelling.

"Finally, you're home!" He growls, scooping up Checkers as Roxas stops spinning. Dizzy, Roxas falls to the floor, landing hard on his rear-end. Checkers wriggles out of Axel's grip and falls into Roxas's lap, licking the boy's face. Roxas laughs, which only encourages Checkers.

"Ew! Checkers licked the inside of my mouth!" he says, pushing the puppy away and keeping him at arm's length.

"What the _word Roxas is not supposed to say_ took you so long?" Axel demands, folding his arms across his chest. The shirt he is wearing, his favorite one, has a large part of one sleeve missing. Roxas winces.

"I got lost… and then there were all these really cool things. The supermarket is huge," he says, eyes bugging out at the thought. Axel hits him on the head.

"That dog is a demon. Take it back."

"Ow! We already went over this. We're keeping Checkers. Besides, how many mute dogs are there?"

"Mute?" Axel inquires, eyebrows shooting heaven-ward. Roxas nods, petting Checkers.

"Yeah, you know, he can't bark or anything," he explains, corralling the puppy with his legs.

Axel rolls his eyes. He refrains from smacking Roxas, but just barely. "I know what 'mute' means! Why do we need a mute dog?" he asks tersely.

"So that Saix can't hear him!" Roxas says, looking up at Axel like he's an idiot.

Axel ignores the look and crosses his arms. "You said you talked to Saix."

"Well you said I wasn't supposed to say _word Axel said earlier_ either, but you said it," Roxas snarks back, barely catching Checkers before he escapes.

"That's not the same thing at all!" Axel whisper-shouts, gesturing angrily.

"Yes it is," Roxas says firmly, looking at Checkers and not Axel. He tickles the squirming puppy's belly.

"No, it's not," Axel replies, just as firmly, hands on his hips.

"Yes it is!" Roxas insists, making a grab for the puppy, who is escaping again. Axel scoops the dog up.

"Look, Roxas, did you clear this," he holds Checkers aloft, "with Saix or not?"

Roxas makes a grab for the puppy, but Axel holds him out of Roxas's reach. Roxas tries to get around him, but Axel keeps him in place with a hand on his forehead. With a sigh, Roxas gives up and crosses his arms. "Yes, and today is not opposite day," he says, pouting.

"Take. The dog. Back," Axel orders, shoving the dog into Roxas's arms.

"No!" Roxas says, nearly stomping his foot.

"I'm not losing my apartment over a dog!" Axel fires back, gesturing wildly again.

"That's why I got a mute one!" Roxas informs him, scratching the dizzy dog behind one ear. Axel rolls his eyes and turns around. He paces in a small circle, gesturing and muttering under his breath. Roxas watches him, worried, still petting Checkers.

"If we get caught, you're buying the next apartment, got it memorized?" he finally says, turning back to Roxas.

"But I don't have a job," Roxas protests, eyes wide and bewildered.

"Then, if I were you, I would get one. Soon," Axel informs him, glaring. He scoops the dog up out of Roxas's arms and then walks over to the bags. Holding Checkers with one hand, he digs through the bags. "What'd you get to clean the carpet?"

Roxas comes over to dig through the bags with him. Things Roxas bought include: 1 collar (black and red checkered), 1 dog tag (bone shaped, silver, with all of the pertinent information on it), 15 different dog toys, 3 different kinds of dog food, 6 bags of dog treats, 4 cans of air freshener, 3 dog bowls, 1 bag of cat litter, 1 litter box, 2 packages of sham-pow towels, 1 new toothbrush, and 0 cleaning supplies. As in none, what-so-ever. Axel looks up at Roxas from the bags. His facial expression makes Roxas yelp, scoop up the dog, and run into his room, locking the door behind him and then tripping over a pile and landing flat on his face.

Axel gathers up the bags and shoves them out of the doorway, taking the excess toys and other supplies with him. "Idiot kid," he growls under his breath.

* * *

When Axel returns, the bathroom is dry, and the towels are hanging from the shower curtain rod. Roxas has put the dog supplies away and is currently trying to keep Checkers on the litter box full of cat litter.

"Roxas, he's not a cat," Axel remarks, putting the single bag of carpet cleaner on the counter. Somehow he missed the cat litter and litter box when he was gathering items to return.

"I read somewhere you could train dogs to go in a litter box. It's not like we can take him outside," Roxas says reasonably, picking up an escaping Checkers and setting him in the middle of the box, again. Axel cocks an eyebrow. Roxas has actually been thinking. Amazing.

"Here, I'll work on that. You clean up the mess behind the couch, and the one in my room," he says, taking the dog from Roxas.

"There's a mess in your room?" Roxas asks, wincing.

"Yes, there is. Clean it up, and then I'll order Chinese for dinner," Axel replies, herding the puppy in the right direction. Roxas grins.

"It'll be done in record time," he says, digging out the box of carpet cleaner and other supplies.

Checkers does his business in the litter box and Axel gives him a treat, and then lets him hop out. _Ok, so I guess this could be worse,_ he thinks, petting the dog and going to order dinner. He was right.


End file.
